Bleh

Yesterday I went on a road trip with a friend of mine. We got into a conversation about religon. Then it transformed into a conversations about relationships. Me, being the kinda of person I’ve become, will not admit how I really feel about someone. My current relationship status to the world is that I am single. If you get to know me, and if you can see past my mask, you will see that I’m not single at all; I’m already taken.

This love interst of mine is an old flame that I’m trying desperately trying too dim. I know now that things happen for a reason. There was a reason why he is not here at my side as my boyfriend. Instead he is my best friend. A mistake? Perhaps. But he is that one person in my life that I can’t live without, but I can’t live with him either. He is a great person to run to for help. the perfect person to have a great time with. The one thing he hasn’t been so succesful with is a relationship. The reasons, I admit, are a little foggy. Even to me. But a reason is a reason.

I know it is a bit childish, but every night I do two things. One, I make a wish on the brightest star. Two, I send a kiss to the moon. On the occasional sighting of a shooting star, my deepest desire is what I wish for. Now these three things have a direct connection to this lover. I do for him, but never have I told him that it was done on his behalf. I love this guy; Always have and always will. So is it such a terrible thing that he will never how I truely feel about him? I don’t want him to hurt me again, nor do I want to hurt him. Maybe this will remain my pandora box.